The Monetary Value Of Cows

So I was thinking (aren't I always?) about the economy. What with inflation, and oil prices, and no petrol/diesel.

Its almost as if humans are living in a world within a world. We've been living in a dream world for the last two millennia. We didn't like living in trees. So we didn't. We built houses, and huts. Then we started to live together, rather than in bits of nomadic tribes. And then we invented words like 'civilized' to pretend like we know what we're doing.

And we build things, like buckets, and wheels, and carts, and bottles, and juice. But we have no way of measuring how much better one human is better than another human, right? So we started to assign values to things, using the rough rule of 'the shinier, the better'. So we got polish, and iron, and other sparkling things, like gold, and diamonds. And everyone went nuts over these things. They were so shiny, that it distracted them from breathing. There were people lying dead all over the place, because they forgot to breathe. Such was the shiny-ness of gold.

And people weren't happy with food, and leather, and footwear, and clothes. No, they had to barter things. So they traded a cow for beans. And the next morning, a large beanstalk was seen growing out of the ground...

So they were bartering. But people made bad deals with other people.
"Sure! You can have my soul. But what do I get in return?"
"Oh, you get this really shiny bit of metal!"
"But isn't that a bad deal for m-.... oooh! Shiny!"

Then people said 'Look, we're better than you. So we shall rule you." And they did. For thousands, and thousands of years. And the Kings and Queens decided to increase their popularity by printing flyers with their pictures on it, and handing it out to the peasants. Sadly, these flyers were made out of shiny metal.

The people couldn't dispose of shiny metal that easily. And plus, it was shiny. So they couldn't just trash it. And they decided to trade it in instead of their souls.

Thus, currency was born. And the King and Queen thought they were pretty popualr with the locals, 'cause demand for the flyers had increased dramatically. But they didn't realise it was a soul-replacer.

But after a couple of years, when the news eventually did reach their royal ears, they were pretty delighted to find out that their faces had replaced the peasant's souls. Then the King murdered the Queen, and married another six hundred.

Meanwhile, back in peasant town, people were still trading in shiny bits. Someone decided to call this the 'economy', because it sounded like a disease. He thought it would be a joke. It was. For a while. Until people realised that by calling it an 'economy', it was very similar to calling themselves a 'civilisation', and now they'd have a legitimate excuse to not know what they're doing.

Once the economy was invented, people started to say things like 'Hey! I'll let you pay me 6 shiny bits to take your soul!".

Then the Kings and Queens wanted more popularity, so they killed other people in other lands, and handed their flyers to the other land people. Then they realised what they'd done. And they were so angry, that they killed even more people, from even more lands. And they realised what they'd done, and they killed people from other lands. And they realised what they'd done...

Then came the industrial revolution. Where people overthrew the Industry. And by now, there was a 'government' and other fancy words, to give people very legitimate excuses to goof off, and not know what they're doing.

And by this time, people had lost the original point of money. It was now printed on paper. Not shiny. Boring.

But they were still flyers. Still trying to advertise people. Except now, it was dead people. Which, again, sort of ruined the point of money.

And now people are saying "Look, I have no money. I'll sell you my cow for your soul..."