President?

“Whaddya talking about?” I  hear you ask “We don’t have a president.”

Oh, no. I must correct you. We do have a president.

“Yeah? Sez who?”

No, really.

“Naw. You’re talking through your hat.”

Okay, so let’s get this straight. You’ve seen that lady with the saree every now and then on the news channels?

“Yeah…?”

Yep. That one.

“What?!?”

You hear me.

“You mean… she’s our president? I thought she was the Prime Minister’s gardener!”

You’re pretty close on that one, lemme tell you. The only thing she does is tend to that garden of hers.

---

 

And that could probably be true. The conversation, I mean. Not the part about the president. That’s real. I’d much rather the other way ‘round.

‘Cause you know… gardeners, I’m told, don’t make very good leaders of countries. And she hasn’t done anything since she became president. She gave an acceptance speech which would have put a primary school kid to shame, and disappeared into obscurity.

I mean, do something with your power. You’ve got the entire damned country at your disposal. At the very least, you could declare an emergency.

Although an emergency under her, we’d all be forced to fade into obscurity.

 

First woman president.

Phooey.

Look! It’s the Saffron Brigade!

Will they save us?

Are they the salvation we’ve all been looking for?

Are they going to liberate us from this rubbish?

Shall we finally see an end to terrorism?

Or are they just a bunch of goons who’ve found a (not so) plausible reason to beat up people?

 

Yeah, that’s what I thought too.

Whatever happened to ‘secular democracy’?

Since when is campaigning for votes the same as hate speech?

Yep. Varun Gandhi, your friend and mine, has just been arrested for hate speech, and trying to incite communal violence. This is a good thing, and one of the few good things that we’ve got right in the recent past.

But looking past his arrest, we’ve got the RSS supporting this nincompoop, and we’ve also got people cheering at his speech.

Let’s come to the people a little later.

The RSS. These guys are trying to run for the central government, and if they’re elected, they’ll be in office for the next five years, and completely unanswerable to anyone. We’ve got some hot headed five year olds (emotionally, anyway) running our country, we’ll probably get involved in a couple of hundred wars, internal and external. We’ll have muslims, sikhs, buddhists, christians, zoarastrians, all being burned and shot at, ‘cause our lovely friend said so.

Our friend with the saffron scarf.

Our friend with the saffron scarf, who is the grandson of Nehru, arguably one of the most influential (in a good way, mind you) leaders in our history.

Our friend with the saffron scarf, the grandson of Nehru, who has read the Gita, and all it has to say about doing your duty and all that.

And apparently his duty is to see India burn.

Which, if allowed to be free, he will do with complete and total effectiveness. Atleast then we’ll have a politician who lives up to his word.

I don’t even think a party like the BJP is allowed to stand constitutionally. Aren’t all parties supposed to be secular? What’s with the whole Hindu-holier-than-thou-and-thou-shalt-burn-and-die attitude?

 

Quite frankly, I’d rather see Odie run the country than this guy.

We’d all be covered in drool, sure, but the BJP? Really?

Go forth and vote, I say. Go forth and make sure this guy never comes a hundred miles within the Rashtrapathi Bhavan.

Epic Fail

I set myself a challenge, remember?

Well, apparently, I didnt.

I failed.

Epically.

:(

“… and that’s what one atom said to the other.”

(Warning : This post is mildly geeky. People with allergies are advised to stay away.)

I think I first started learning Physics as a subject in the seventh, or the sixth, or something like that. Although the physics then was more “A good scientist always asks questions” sort of thing, no real physics.

But even then, when we started learning the rudiments, Newton’s Laws in their most basic forms, I was hearing things like

“When one body hits another with a speed, the other body does not want to stay still, it wants to move.”

My teachers were personifying the objects, giving them likes, dislikes, and a mind of their own. You piece together enough of this, and soon you’ll be giving them personalities of their own.

“But… no! Friction and motion are mortal enemies! I watched the battle the other day, and light and sound were the moderators. They always seemed the calmest of the lot.”

People will argue about who like who, and who hates who, and who is better, or ‘gooder’. You’ll have Physikmon cards, and people trading, and trying to attain the perfect set.

“I’ll trade you sound for inertia.”

“What’s in it for me?”

“Sound diffracts easily!”

Possibly games for consoles, “Beat the Phenomenon” (Probably originate in Kerala, that one.)

An entire franchise, millions to be made of all this, all because some teachers are routinely personifying physics. Very cool, I think.

Although it is a very effective way of teaching, for people who have issues visualising, they just attribute it to the personality of the phenomenon, and that’ll be their explanation for a long time, or even forever.

This is a cycle, because if they go on to teach, then they’d teach the same way, and the kids they teach will teach the same way, and et cetera.

Although it is wrong to personify these things, they get the concepts right, and I suppose that’s what it’s all about.

I just find it downright hilarious.

Criminal Masterminds.

I saw something very disturbing yesterday in the papers.

Apparently during the last elections, in 2004, some 45% of our elected representatives had criminal records. Not like nice little amusing ones like road rage, or Grand Theft Auto, but ridiculously serious ones like murder, rape and extortion.

And they’ve all got sentences of more than two years (minimum) and apparently you can’t stand for elections if you’re a convicted criminal and have a sentence of more than two years, yet these people, quite chilled out, stand for elections, and get elected.

Anyone else spot something wrong with this?

And besides, even if they do stand for office, it would be nice if they have some plans for the city/state/country, instead of here, in singara chennai, we’ve got dear old overweight-lady, and senile-man, promising free rice and free colour televisions to people who vote for them, instead of really telling us what they’ve planned while in office.

On the other hand, when Obama was standing for election, we knew exactly what he was planning, with respect to Iraq, and Afghanistan, and the economy, and health care, and little old ladies, and stores, and kitchen wardrobe styles, Paris Hilton, New York subways, sandwiches…. you get the picture.

When our local goondas stand for election, we’ve got nothing except bribery. Bribery on a large, large scale. Sure, people argue that since a majority of our population is illiterate, there might not really be any point in telling them what is going to happen in the office. But they’re only illiterate, not stupid. That’s why you’ve got the televisio- oh. Is it even possible that our cranially challenged leaders thought of this, and forecasted this?

Oh, no. Wait. Our leaders. Okay. Where was I?

Television sets.

Television sets. Educate the uneducated, or reach out to the illiterates and all that… do that, and maybe for once in your life, you would actually deserve the position of power you get.

Returning to my original point – what the heck are the courts doing, allowing convicted criminals to run for office?

Sometimes, I just feel like hiding in a cupboard until this all blows over.

Count The Shadows

You’ve got to focus on all the silhouettes that you can see, because if the number keeps on changing, then you’re no use to me.

Lines of the chorus from a song I’m strangely addicted to. It’s actually quite a bad song, and ridiculous singing, but a very catchy tune. Go look it up at - “Chameleon Circuit – Count The Shadows”.

Day Two, now. Still don’t quite know how I’m going to finish this stupid challenge.

Today we (read : I) will talk about music. More specifically, we shall talk about the performing of music.

I learn the guitar, right? And I’ve been learning for the last nine years, and I’ve switched teachers quite a few times, and the one I’m with now is clearly the best teacher I’ve had for classical western music that I’ve had, by a long, long shot. And along with me, there are some twenty, thirty odd students learning the guitar, not to mention the innumerable number of people learning the bane of all instruments, the keyboard.

I’ve got an issue with people learning the keyboard. Sure, it’s a substitute for people who have no space for a piano, or can’t afford a piano, but that’s not all they use it for. They use it as a beat provider, and as a synthesiser.

Don’t get me wrong, here. I’m not all against keyboards. Professional musicians use them all the time, to great effect. But the difference is, they are producing their own music, not reproducing someone else’s music with a glorified toy.

There’s a certain beauty, or talent, if you will, involved with playing an instrument… a real one. The guitar, the violin, the piano, the saxophone, the harmonica, the harp, the freaking banjo requires more talent to play than the keyboard. To play the keyboard as a keyboard, not as a piano.

Anyway. So I’m sitting in class, and listening to the keyboardist bicker, because I have nothing better to do, and this one girl is playing a sonata by Mozart on the piano setting, and it sounds really nice. Then the ‘senior’ there (Some frumpy girl with an attitude, who thinks she’s queen ‘cause she’s finished eight grades) asks her :

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“….? Playing the sonata?”

“No. You’re playing it on piano.”

“…. yeah?”

“It’s WRONG!”

“What?”

“It’s WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! There is PROTOCOL to be followed. You can’t just put PIANO!”

 

I could have shot her at this point.

Protocol? Protocol my aunt Martha’s fag end.

The moronic, ninny, nitwit.

Sad part is that she truly believes that’s how it’s supposed to be done. Now she plays the keyboard wonderfully, and I take nothing away from her, but in my opinion, anything that sounds good goes. Playing a piano sonata on a guitar mode on a keyboard… now that’s just wrong.

That’s like having sugar and ghee with your idli.

Just not done.

P.S – Nothing personal against said girl.

P.P.S – If you did click through to the song, yes, I like it. What? Yes, it is pop.

What?

Yeah. It’s catchy, isn’t it?

No, I’m not buying the album when it comes out.

Challenge : Day One.

Now I’m hoping I can think of a liiiitle more creative titles as this goes on, but it isn’t off to a very good start so far.

My excuse is that it’s one in the morning, and I’ve just done two mind numbingly boring assignments, to the sound of some absolutely stunner U2 songs.

Yep. They’ve got a new album. No Line On The Horizon, apparently. I didn’t know that. I always thought there was a line. Hm. Then again, you always learn something new everyday.

 

Today I learned that skipping college, and hoping to hell your professors will follow suit isn’t a smart thing to do, especially if you can’t skip more than 22.5 days a semester. Why the point five? I suppose they want to give us hope, only to dash it to the ground, roaring in laughter at our bewildered looks at not being given another half a day of attendance.

 

Half a lousy day.

 

But I’ve got nothing to complain about. I’ve got another two and a half lousy days to skip.

Although knowing my record for attending college, having two and a half days to last me a month isn’t such a great thing.

I’ve got five hours a day, six days a week. Contrary to the economics department of my college, who gives them three hours free, and two hours to recover from home.

Yeah. That’s their life.

 

Yeah, my life sucks.

A Challenge, Perhaps?

I spend a lot of time on the internet.

Far too much time on the internet. 

Although one thing I've noticed lately, is that people seem to be doing stupid things. No, wait. The internet has always been stupid. A look at Facebook 'discussion forums' and you'd know what I mean.

Anyway.

People seem to be doing a lot of pointless things, and having fun with it. 

On Youtube, there was a channel where these two people tried to make a video every day of the week. But they stopped. Tough.

And other people attempting blogging challenges.

So I figured, one post a day, for a month.

Why not?

It'll just be so much more waste in the world, sure. 

But why not?

So starting... March 10th, for a month (April 10th, for the slower ones out there) I'm going to try and do a post a month.

Feel free to avoid me like the plague once you're done reading the drivel that I'm about to produce.